My husband and I have two daughters. One is ten, the other twelve. We have entered a new face in our relationship with our twelve-year-old. As a person of the advanced age of twelve she knows more about everything than we do. I'm not sure where she gets the idea that she's always right. It's certainly not from me. Just because I am right most of the time, but I digress. :-) I have disagreed with her over how many times she has cut her hair in a certain style or whether 420*2=840 or whether or not she has actually done something she was told to do. Driving home today from dropping the girls off at school, I was thinking about a passage in a book where the character was arguing with God.
God was telling the character that there was something better for him if he would just let go of the past. The character told God he had let go. God told him he hadn't. The character corrected God and said he had. God told the character to let go and trust him. The character said no.
I replayed this scene in my head today and thought about one of recent my conversations with my daughter. This wound will feel better if you let me clean it out. No it won't. Yes it will. Will it hurt? It might, but it will heal faster. I don't want to be hurt. Trust me, it will help. No it won't, and she walked away until it hurt so bad she had no choice, but to let me help her.
I do this so often with God. He puts something in my heart and tells me to do it. I tell Him I'm scared. He says I'll give you grace. I say, but what if it doesn't work. He says trust Me, it will heal something in you and something in someone else. I say it's too risky, and I don't want to look stupid. (That's really important to me. I don't want to fail or look stupid. 'Cause it's all about me.) He tells me again to trust. I say, I'm sorry, I can't, and then I wonder why someone else gets my blessing.
One of the areas God has been dealing with me is my past. Hurtful things that were said and done that I took to heart and then let them lead me into an almost 18-year depression were released off me this year. The only thing is I don't think I have completely let them go. I am selfish. I enjoy the misery. I enjoy the martyrship. I enjoy rehashing everything that was said and done because it is familiar. However, God didn't call me to that.
God called me to be set free and to go forward to heal others in situations like mine. He has reiterated that word several times this year with the most recent being last week at our staff retreat. He gave me a gift that was to be employed to help release strongholds in others lives, but I tell Him it's too hard. I tell him I have released it, and He tells me I haven't, and then I am like my twelve-year-old daughter arguing with the God of the universe, who knows me better than I know myself, and I am trying to tell Him that I have released everything. Then when He calls me on my bluff, I get mad and walk away and pout.
What issue has you arguing with God? What do you keep trying to tell Him you have taken care of, when you both know you haven't let it go. There are blessings out there that you can't imagine for following His commands and directions. Don't sell yourself short, and most importantly don't sell short your God. He chose you for this particular time and place. He knows your giftings and has a destiny set aside for you. Trust Him today and move forward.