EUREKA! I have found it...

God has seen fit to usher my husband and I in to a new place in ministry, and as part of this step, my husband and I are delving deeper and deeper into the truths of God. If you go back to my very first post, you'll see that I vowed to become a Praise Warrior, and as a result, this blog is part of my journey. I want to be able to change the world around me, but only with God working through me.

Today as I was reading in Genesis 33, I found it! My prayer for this year.

11..."You have been telling me, 'Lead these people', but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people." The Lord replied, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." ..."If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth" And the Lord said..., "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."

God has given me direction..."Lead these people". He has said He knows me by name and I have found favor with Him. My deepest desire, my utmost cry, is that He will teach me His ways, so I may know Him and continue to find favor with Him. I do not want to go anywhere that His Presence does not go. I don't want to be indistinguishable. The only way people with know that I am God's is if His presence goes with me.

Father God, I cannot do anything you have asked of me without You, without Your Presence going before me. Do not let me go without it. Teach me about You. Let me learn Your ways until I know the sound of Your heartbeat. I am nothing without You. I can do nothing without You. But in You I can do ANYTHING!

Book Review - Leaving Yesterday

It's a mother's worst nightmare. Knowing that your child has gone into a world you know nothing about. All you can do is sit by and watch while your child, seemingly throws their life away. Then what happens when you are confronted by a situation that could end what little progress they've made. What do you do?

Author Kathryn Cushman tackles this very question. She has been forced to watch her son's life spiral out of control into a world so dark that it doesn't look like he'll ever survive. Just when it seems like he is getting his life together, she is confronted with evidence of an even greater evil.

How would you react? Would you keep the correct moral idea or would you do whatever it took to shield your child. Alisa Stewart is faced with just such a dilemma, and while it's easy to look at the situation from the outside and say with certainty what you would do, Ms. Cushman does an excellent job at getting inside the situation and making you actually go through this nightmarish situation with the main character.

I will admit I was a bit skeptical when I opened the book and saw the author had written in 1st person. I really struggle with this type of book as I very rarely can identify with the main character in that way; however, I was quickly pulled into the story and could very easily put myself in Alisa's shoes.

I would highly recommend that you give this book a try. It makes for great reading, while teaching you something you probably didn't know about yourself.

This book was provided for review by Bethany House Publishers.

Book Review - Levi's Will

Levi's Will, by W. Dale Cramer, is a novel about an Amish young man and his journey through life banned from everything he knows. It delves into the psychology of how our upbringing can shape our lives, and the lives of those around us, whether we know it or not.

We first meet Will at what we find out later is his father's funeral. The book jumps back and forth between the present day setting of the novel and the years leading up to that time. The author cleverly weaves his story teasing the reader with little bits and pieces that, in time, will add up to the whole, and give the reader the understanding of what events shaped his life. This was a remarkably told tale that did not let me get ahead of myself as, I confess, I am prone to do. I am always trying to "figure out" the ending, but this lead me in several different directions that kept me off balance for the majority of the book.

While it is not meant to be a whodunit book in anyway, I enjoyed trying to figure out the little bits and pieces that made Will who he was and explained the reasoning behind the choices he made. My heart ached for him as time after time he tried to reconcile with his Amish family, but every time was turned away by the patriarch.

All in all, Levi's Will was a well-crafted book that kept my imagination held the entire time. Then to read the acknowledgments at the end and know that this was, in part, his father's story, was heart-warming as well.

This book is a definite must-read for anyone, especially those who love Beverly Lewis' amish books.

This book was provided for review by Bethany House Publishers.

I Know Better Than You

My husband and I have two daughters. One is ten, the other twelve. We have entered a new face in our relationship with our twelve-year-old. As a person of the advanced age of twelve she knows more about everything than we do. I'm not sure where she gets the idea that she's always right. It's certainly not from me. Just because I am right most of the time, but I digress. :-) I have disagreed with her over how many times she has cut her hair in a certain style or whether 420*2=840 or whether or not she has actually done something she was told to do. Driving home today from dropping the girls off at school, I was thinking about a passage in a book where the character was arguing with God.

God was telling the character that there was something better for him if he would just let go of the past. The character told God he had let go. God told him he hadn't. The character corrected God and said he had. God told the character to let go and trust him. The character said no.

I replayed this scene in my head today and thought about one of recent my conversations with my daughter. This wound will feel better if you let me clean it out. No it won't. Yes it will. Will it hurt? It might, but it will heal faster. I don't want to be hurt. Trust me, it will help. No it won't, and she walked away until it hurt so bad she had no choice, but to let me help her.

I do this so often with God. He puts something in my heart and tells me to do it. I tell Him I'm scared. He says I'll give you grace. I say, but what if it doesn't work. He says trust Me, it will heal something in you and something in someone else. I say it's too risky, and I don't want to look stupid. (That's really important to me. I don't want to fail or look stupid. 'Cause it's all about me.) He tells me again to trust. I say, I'm sorry, I can't, and then I wonder why someone else gets my blessing.

One of the areas God has been dealing with me is my past. Hurtful things that were said and done that I took to heart and then let them lead me into an almost 18-year depression were released off me this year. The only thing is I don't think I have completely let them go. I am selfish. I enjoy the misery. I enjoy the martyrship. I enjoy rehashing everything that was said and done because it is familiar. However, God didn't call me to that.

God called me to be set free and to go forward to heal others in situations like mine. He has reiterated that word several times this year with the most recent being last week at our staff retreat. He gave me a gift that was to be employed to help release strongholds in others lives, but I tell Him it's too hard. I tell him I have released it, and He tells me I haven't, and then I am like my twelve-year-old daughter arguing with the God of the universe, who knows me better than I know myself, and I am trying to tell Him that I have released everything. Then when He calls me on my bluff, I get mad and walk away and pout.

What issue has you arguing with God? What do you keep trying to tell Him you have taken care of, when you both know you haven't let it go. There are blessings out there that you can't imagine for following His commands and directions. Don't sell yourself short, and most importantly don't sell short your God. He chose you for this particular time and place. He knows your giftings and has a destiny set aside for you. Trust Him today and move forward.

Book Review - Things Worth Remembering

It's been a long time since I read a book where I really just wanted to reach in the book and slap one of the main characters. Unfortunately, Things Worth Remembering by Jackina Stark, was such a book. The book takes place during a five day time span leading up to the wedding of one of the main characters, and is told in first person from both the mother and daughter's point of view. This is probably another reason that I'm not thrilled with the book. I don't usually like first-person stories as it makes it harder for me to identify with the character.

It's easy to discern early on that there is a rift between the mother and daughter from early in the daughter's teen years. My only question was why the mother and father allowed the daughter to be downright disrespectful for 9 years. Over and over the daughter character is portrayed as a pouting, sulking, spoiled little brat, who should have been called onto the carpet way before her wedding week and by her parents and not her fiance'.

I was impressed with the author's portrayal of a family going through the affects of an affair. I especially liked the way the husband handled this with true human emotion, but was able to also see areas in his own life where he might have contributed (being too busy at work, etc.). I also liked the way they healed together, slowly, but surely.

Overall, the writing style of Jackina Stark was very good. I would be interested in trying another book of hers, but this particular book will definitely not be staying in my library. Please remember this is only one person's opinion, and while it is very strong, I know friends of mine, who did like the book.

This book was provided for review by Bethany House Publishers.

Book Review - Watch Over Me by Christa Parrish

..."Who outside of God himself would have known a brilliant, deaf kid, a vegan hippie, and a toeless soldier would find themselves some sort of family?"

I was a little skeptical when I started reading this book. I usually don't like to read books where the couples are already married because the authors don't always use real solutions. The main characters struggle and struggle and then, presto!, they're back together again and God did it all without showing how they work it through. This book is definitely not one of those.

This is a story about a marriage, that maybe shouldn't have happened at all, and how two people can let life's situations carry them away from each other. Then when God throws a curve ball at them, they try to once again control the circumstances themselves and fix it. It isn't until their whole world falls apart, yet again, that they both finally realize that they can't do it on their own. They have to let God be the solution. Your heart will go out to the young boy in the book that slowly steals the book and the attention. That character was very well written and brought to life.

There were several places, especially towards the end of the book, that I made note to use when I speak on marriage topics. All in all, a well-written book that captures your imagination and takes you with the characters on their journey. It is a book that I would definitely recommend and an author I would like to read more.

This is a Bethany House Book.

Her Rescue Might Be the Miracle They Needed

Things like this don't happen in Beck County.

Deputy Benjamin Patil is the one to find the infant girl, hours old, abandoned in a field.

As police work to identify the mother, Ben and his wife, Abbi, seem like the obvious couple to serve as foster parents. But the newborn's arrival opens old wounds for Abbi and shines a harsh light on how much Ben has changed since a devastating military tour.

Their marriage teeters on the brink and now they must choose to reclaim what they once had or lose each other forever.

Yes. No. Maybe.

At the front of the sanctuary of our church stands a locked, small, dark brown trunk. In this trunk, as has been every year since December 31, 2006, the top prayer requests for people in our church. Specific requests that we are asking God to answer in 2009. The prayers are placed in there on the last Sunday of the year and are left there until November 1st when the trunk is opened and the prayer requests are sent back to each person. I have not seen them, but for some people it is the salvation of a loved one. For others it is a new job or a raise in their current job. Some are asking to find a spouse. All are requests that are near and dear to each person's heart.

I am no exception. On the last Sunday of 2008, I wrote down the top 8 or 9 requests that I had for 2009. In the past I had made them somewhat generic and not necessarily measurable. Requests like that my daughters grow closer to God or my husband and I grow closer together and to God. This year, however, I asked for some distinctive requests that it would be easy for me to see a yes or a no.

Now, I confess, I forgot to write them someplace other than the card, so I have to wait another 5 weeks before I can see them, but there are a couple that I remember and. Because I work at the church office, I have the distinct pleasure of writing down prayer requests and praises that come in for our prayer team, and I hear or see that God is answering request after request in the Time Capsule. I proceeded to get a tad melancholy (just call me Eeyore) and wondered why God had not answered, but one of mine.

That's when it hit me. The fundamental truth that I have known, probably as long as I have been a Christian, some 28 years, but consistently forget. The one God had to hit me upside the head with a 2x4 to remember. He has answered. He has not forgotten me or ignored me. He has answered, but some of His answers happen to be no.

How many times do we cry and lament that God has not heard me? We tear our sackcloth and wail as though we were King David in the Psalms that the Almighty God has forgotten poor, little ol' me. When He hasn't. He answered, but for some reason we think that the only answer that is truly an answer from God is a yes. However, like any loving parent, sometimes He has to say no to protect us, to correct us, to grow us in His image.

It's so nice to know that I have not been forgotten. I am still a loved and cherished child of the King. He loves me enough to not give me things that are not good for me. He loves me so much He is willing to incur my all-knowing human temper tantrum when I don't get my way, so that He can gently shape and refine my character so I can become even more like Him. How absolutely, unequivocally awesome is that! He loves me enough to say NO!